Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Corrigan at 29

Today I made Kyo take pictures of me. If you look around the internet or in photo albums or wherever pictures of me are stored, you'll find that very few exist in which I'm not making some sort of ridiculous face or gesture. I can't help it. The camera turns my way and I go full-ham. But today I wanted a souvenir.

Twenty-eight was not my best year. Not by a long shot. In fact, it was kind of a Murphy's Law year. At this point, my doctor is basically prescribing anxiety meds to me by the bucket due to the frequency of my panic attacks. I mean, it had it's positive elements for sure. I'd be remiss to exclude from age-28-memory-canon the fact that James Badge Dale kissed me, or that I obtained awesome grad school friends, or that I met the cast of Empire Records, or that I wrote a thing that went viral, or that I got to experience a surprise engagement party for two of my best friends, or that I went to Canada, Tacoma, Astoria, New York, Jersey, Massachusetts, Austin, and New Hampshire this year. Plus, I started a podcast that I really, really love doing, even if it's a metric buttload of work every week. There was plenty of good that happened. It just came with a lot of bad.

I'm a girl of great contradictions. I'm enthusiastic beyond measure, but I'm also exhausted to an equal extent. I'm passionate about the things I'm interested in, but I'm too anxious to really enjoy them. I'm outgoing and convivial, but I don't want to go to this party or that bar. Twenty-eight was about getting swallowed up by these contradictions, then spat back out all chewed up and goopy.

I'm hoping 29 will be better, even as I totally panic about the prospect of turning 30 in just one year. I want to keep doing the things I've done right. I look back on 28 and I think, well, at least I was able to spread some laughter and smiles around when I think people needed that kind of thing. I hope to keep spreading the positive, and minimizing the negative. I want to keep being a voice of reason. At 29, I will take selfies, I will be boy crazy for random celebs, I will Snopes everything, and I will read comic books. I'll TA the stupid class I am dreading TAing, but I'll punctuate that sucky reality with friendship and podcasting and going to cons. Maybe this year will be the year I don't need to pop pills to feel like a normal human being. Maybe not. I try to make every year of my life the best, but sometimes life wants to fight me every step of the day. C'est la vie. Que sera sera. Platitude, platitude. Here's to 29. In the words of Francis & The Lights, "it'll be better; it'll be great."

Of course, I wrote this entire blog post earlier and blogger deleted it, so we're not off to the best start. Get your shit together, 29.


[if you're into that sort of thing, you can see the rest of the photos here]

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