Monday, April 12, 2010
 the only thing better than hairspray
That's actually a trick title. There isn't, in fact, anything better than Hairspray. Kyo took me to see it onstage at OCPAC on Thursday, and I am now even more convinced of that truth.
Topping the list of things that are not better than Hairspray is the new KFC Double Down. I have now tasted death, and it is soggy and unappealing. Let me be clear: I did not expect the Double Down to be good, by any stretch of the imagination. I did expect it to be less foul than it was. In the advertisements that have been circulated for this final leap into mainstreaming obesity, the chicken buns more or less look like perfectly formed hash browns - which might actually taste pretty good encasing cheese and bacon. For those of you that just grimaced, keep in mind that I just ate a scalding hot block of cholesterol. I'm not saying either of these concepts are great ideas. I'm just saying that in the battle of hash brown bun vs. chicken bun, the hash brown might at least be less offensive to the touch and to the taste buds.
Once you get past the slimy texture - which makes you feel like you are actually absorbing calories through your hands - things don't improve. You take a big bite, doing your best to get a little cheese and a little bacon for good measure, and all you taste is cafeteria mystery meat. I'm pretty sure they served this very same thing at my elementary school and tried to pass it off as chicken cordon bleu. Never have I spent $5 more unwisely. And by that I mean, never has Kyo spent $5 more unwisely. Sorry, bud. I hope your wallet and your arteries will forgive me.